Editor’s note: A completely unrelated article to this was published on Crypto Briefing as an April Fools’ Day joke article last month.
According to multiple sources, the hypersensitive billionaire decided he wants to crash Bitcoin and the broader crypto market on the realization that the Terror blockchain’s Ponzinomics model is unsustainable.
Con took the market out of Goblintown by accumulating whale-sized stacks of Bitcoin via the Let it Go Foundation, an organization established to stop Terror’s DUST from meeting the same fate as every other algorithmic stablecoin.
However, Con has reportedly enlisted a group of hackers who stole more than 500 Bored Ape Yacht Club NFTs to get access to Satoshi Nakamoto’s Bitcoin wallet, which contains 1 million coins—around 5% of the supply.
Saylor’s MicroStrategy has supposedly collateralized more than 100,000 Bitcoin, as well as his multi-million dollar property portfolio and two superyachts, via Silvergate Bank to borrow money to buy a “swarm of cyber hornets,” which is likely a reference to the top crypto asset .
Anthony Pompliano has also reportedly put The Best Business Show on hiatus to restart the Bitcoin pizza venture he launched last year; the funds raised will apparently go toward buying spot Bitcoin.
Ethereum, which this week postponed its Proof-of-Stake upgrade until 2028 so that the Ethereum Foundation can dump another multi-million dollar bag of ETH at the next market top, has suffered due to widespread uncertainty over crypto’s future as an asset class.
Cardano has been spared because no one uses it, while Cosmos, crypto’s self-described “Internet of blockchains,” continues to trade in a year-long sideways channel.
One of the multiple identities tied to Degen Spartan’s Twitter account told Crypto Briefing that he’s pleased to see the market panicking because he derisked years ago.
Analysts told Crypto Briefing that the only reason many so-called blue chips—Bored Ape Yacht Club and Azuki among them—are rallying is that insiders scooped them up to get in on their recent airdrops.
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