The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season-Finale Recap: Pineapple Express

“What does that mean?” I am such an amateur baker that if I were to do a technical challenge on the Great British Bake Off the stand mixer would just look at me and say, “Girl, give it up,” and even I know what that means.

Teresa has given us some amazing moments over the years, from the table flip to instigating Danielle at the Posche fashion show to getting in a cake fight with Melissa to instigating Danielle and Margaret’s fight last season that resulted in the untimely demise of a Fornasetti candle.

This season started off with a bang, with her going around Jackie’s party talking about Evan’s cheating and then the subsequent blow-up when she called Jackie a cunt so many times that even the FCC had to sit up and take notice.

Then, talking about her new relationship, she says, “I want real moments, to myself.” Sure, you can absolutely have that, but in order for that to happen, then you need to quit your job on reality television.

The public being very much in her business is an occupational hazard, but she certainly didn’t seem to have any compunctions about cashing the checks and selling all of those un-butter-dotted cookbooks all of these years.

But we learn very little of him and very little about the two of them together other than that he’s very happy with her and Teresa is finally happy with a man who treats her way better than Joe ever did.

I feel like Teresa got to the end of the season without either talking about or showing this man of hers and the producer told her, “Listen, Teresa, you’re on a reality show.

The problem with this show is that Teresa is so much at the center of it that when she is refusing to share in her life or engage in any of the other fights or drama it just crashes like Zac Efron the day after his intervention.

Teresa comes dressed as cotton candy in a fluffy pink dress, but she also has on a multi-colored wig, a unicorn horn, and enough glittery makeup that even Anastasia of Beverly Hills thought she was overdoing it.

Hostess Margaret and Joe B are Morticia and Gomez, which is perfect not only because she’s taller than him but also it forced Joe to trade in a goatee for a mustache.

Some of the secondary characters also have on interesting outfits: Lexi is dressed as either her fellow “Englishman” David Bowie or a set of vocal tics looking for a geographic profile.

But we see how he doesn’t want Melissa to “forget about him” and how he fights against her independence, and when you put that all together, well, he sounds like a chauvinist.

Melissa gets mad at the other women for saying Joe has regressive attitudes about women and tells them to stop saying it.

Joe, however, literally says, “Shut the fuck up.” He can’t listen not only to the women but also to Bill on the women’s behalf.

At the beginning of the episode, Jennifer says that she doesn’t give out full-sized candy bars for Halloween, she gives out king-sized candy bars, which is the most Jennifer Aydin thing that isn’t emblazoned with a Chanel logo.

There is just something so sweet about the love that these two share, about the difficulty she’s going through with her parents, the way that they’re trying to turn their relationship around for their children so they won’t be hurt by them the way Jen was by her parents.

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