The Real Housewives of Potomac Season-Premiere Recap: Over the Valleys and Hills We Go

Good evening, fellow heathens! For those of you who don’t know me already, my name is Shamira and I will be your guide to the high-drama world of Real Housewives of Potomac this season, which is already off to the races after trying to recover from the chaos that reigned the season prior.

Mia: If you want to pop off, I’ll be happy to get you adjustedMia is a newcomer who runs a chiropractor operation.

Ashley: The only thing messier than two boys is me.Similar to Gizelle, this is top-tier tagline creation: acknowledgement of her characterization throughout the series with a hint of her role in the season to come.

That said, I guess we’ll have to see what Candiace means by blessings — taking on debt for an MBA does not count, although I would like to assume that she is paying for it outright — and hope that her impatience doesn’t land her in a high-octave conflict for the third season in a row.

Karen: The Grande Dame can never be duplicated, imitated, or intimidated.Karen is clearly riding high from her triumphant season five performance, and I fear that she’s getting a bit too high on her own supply.

Mia enters the scene as an interesting counterbalance to the rest of the cast: She is as fair as the green-eyed bandits, a successful entrepreneur, married to an older man with a wider age difference than Ashley and Karen’s partnerships, and open about the nips and tucks the rest of the cast likes to pretend they don’t take.

Increasingly on the outs with Jamal — due to the pandemic, allegedly, but it’s not like the pastor found time to be in Maryland with his family prior to it, either — Gizelle has decided that Karen must pay for systematically and consistently pulling the rug out from under the narrative she wants to present to the world, and is aiming to knock the Grand Dame off of the pedestal she created for herself.

Going by the preview, the rest of the season seems to go full steam ahead: Mia and Candiace butt heads, Ashley and Candiace butt heads, Candiace butts heads with her house husband, Karen deals with tensions in her marriage, there is a reckoning over Robyn’s behavior, and the simmering rumors over Wendy’s marriage boil over.

• The Housewives are supposed to be wearing shades of nude to this party, and I am genuinely wondering if the women struggle with colorblindness.

Even Mia throws in a jab, and she lives on the Baltimore Harbor! The hypocrisy lies in the fact that next to none of these women live in Potomac proper; there was a whole year where the Huger clan was in Fairfax County, for goodness sakes, so the African-inspired shade over the distance is tacky and completely unnecessary, especially when they all know she still teaches at Johns Hopkins.

• Candiace’s new million-dollar mansion is as dramatic as she is, down to the chandelier light bulbs that she can’t reach without a hope and a prayer; and try as she might to claim independence from her mother, Dorothy’s shadow is literally looming over the guest room.

• Michael Darby is still gracing our screen, after multiple allegations of groping and getting combative during last year’s finale.

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